


Multi Ways

by ShadowPrime2002



Series: Multi- [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Dean Winchester, F/M, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Sick Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 18:38:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18878944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowPrime2002/pseuds/ShadowPrime2002
Summary: Dean is really fucked up in the head.





	Multi Ways

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!!! Self-harm and negative thoughts

**"I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing!"**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I groaned rubbing my hands over my face setting the bottle of whiskey onto the counter. I knew I smelled of alcohol but I didn't really care. All I cared about was that little girl's eyes pleading for help and her last words of 'Tell Mommy I love her.' The girl had whispered weakly before closing her eyes and taking one final breath as she died in his arms. A six-year-old girl. It's all my fault and there's nothing I can do now.

I shoved my fingernails in my palm to stop myself from punching something. I hissed as a few dug into my palms drawing blood and for the first time, I was seeing it differently. The physical pain distracted me from the mental pain and I began my way down the spiral staircase. I pressed my fingernails in as hard as I could hissing as they dug deeper into my flesh. I pulled my nails away from my palm and laid back against the reclinable chair. "Dean?" I shot up pulling out my gun aiming it at the blue-eyed angel. "Cas, don't scare me like that!" I growled putting my gun back in its holster before looking up at him. His blue eyes looked at my hands concerned. I rolled my eyes walking to the fridge and pulling out a subway sandwich Sam managed to convince me to get. I sighed walking to the table and unwrapping it. I sat down next where Cas sat following me. I took a bite into the sandwich and moaned. Sam who had just walked in gave me a weird look. "Sammy, these are amazing." I exclaimed taking another bite not chewing the last one. 

Sam shook his head before setting his laptop down onto the table lightly. "I found a case in Wyoming." He turned his laptop so I could see. "A few vamps, you and Cas take it." I said taking another bite after swallowing the last few. Sam nodded grabbed a duffle bag. Cas looked at me weirdly before following Sam as they left the bunker. I put down the sandwich losing my appetite as I thought about earlier. For some reason, I enjoyed having physical pain over mental pain. I looked around before an idea popped into my head as I spotted my laptop. I jumped up and grabbed it from the shelf. Opening it Google popped up and I clicked on the search bar. 'How do I get rid of mental pain?' I searched and immediately a bunch of results popped up. On the top a list of what seemed to be unhealthy results appeared.

1\. Cutting

2\. Sex

3\. Burning oneself

4\. Suicide

I went back to the search bar. 'How do I cut myself without anybody noticing?' I pressed search and Immediately I got another list of results.

1\. Cut on your upper thighs

2\. Cut on the stomach or upper abdomen

3\. Cut on your shoulder

'What do I use?'

1\. Break open a razor

2\. Buy razors or sharp knives

3\. Glass

I closed out of the tab and erased it from my search history before shutting it off. I walked to my room and went over to my dresser. Inside was my stack of razor blades for when I needed to shave. I reached in grabbing two in between my fingers. The metal glinted in the dim light and I walked to the bathroom. I locked it before sitting on the toilet. I pulled down my jeans revealing my boxers. I took one razor in my hand and held it right above the skin before making a small cut. I hissed at the pain but kept going.

One for Charlie dying on our watch

Two for Castiel losing his grace

Three for mom dying

Four for Sammy dying

Five for going to hell

Six for failing at everything

Seven for the little girl

Eight for dad dying for me

Nine for getting Jessica killed

I watched as blood wiggled out from the small cuts and I felt attracted to them. I grabbed a rag from the counter and put it under running water. I turned the faucet off and ring it out slightly before setting it on the cuts. I clenched my jaw at the sharp pains before they dulled to satisfy. I sat there letting my head rest against the cool tiled wall waiting for the bleeding to stop.

After nearly twenty minutes I gently lifted the rag to look at the red jagged lines. No blood came out so I grabbed a band-aid and put it on smoothly over all of the cuts.

Once I was satisfied they were good I stood up pulling my pants up. I turned to the mirror and just stared. I became distasteful at what I saw as voice popped into my head.

 _'Useless!'_ Sam laughed at me with hate. _'You killed Jessica!'_

 _'Mistake!'_ Charlie popped in _. 'You're mistakes killed me!'_

 _''I died because you were too late!'_ Mom popped into my head as I tried shaking the voices out of my head.

 _'Jerk!'_ Crowley laughed at me. _'You're so selfish!'_

 _'Just die already!'_ Jason crowed.

 _'Player!'_ Caren screamed wrapping her hands around my neck. She threw me out the door and I landed outside on the floor painfully. Another pair of hands found my neck and I looked into the baby blue eyes of Cas'

 _'I hate you, I died for you and you went to hell wasting my time!'_ Cas screamed punching me before lifting me up. He walked over to the railing holding me over it.

 _'_ _Murder!_ ' He screamed letting go.

It felt like slow motion that the door opened and I hit the table. I didn't move, groan, or make any noise. I just stared at the ceiling as people yelled my name. Cas's face popped into my vision with a thick mask of worry. "Dean." I blinked lightly tilting my head. "What happened?" I sat up looking on the floor. I was on the floor with my laptop still sitting on my lap. "I must've fallen asleep?" I questioned before shrugging. Sam snorted as Cas helped me up. I felt the sting in my legs and realized everything was real. I put on a fake smirk and pointed at Sam teasingly. "Did you get pie, Jerk?" I asked playfully and he mockingly rolled his eyes. "I didn't care to bitch." I laughed and grabbed the laptop closing it. "I'm going to take a long nap." I said stretching as I walked up the stairs. I sighed entering my room and taking the razors out of my pocket. I cleaned off the blood on my shirt before hiding them away again. I took off all my clothes and replaced them with flannel pajama pants. I flopped onto the bed not bothering to clean up my clothes before closing my eyes and falling into what I believed to be my only safe haven.

 


End file.
